This Is A Joke: Tomato Garden, Hunters, A Question& These Are For Boys?
An old Italian man lived alone in Chicago. He wanted to plant his annual Tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man Wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
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Two hunters are in the New Jersey woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls emergency services. ‘My friend is dead. What can I do?’ ‘Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’ There’s a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. ‘OK, now what?’
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. "Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.
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A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy’s bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can’t buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."
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A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."
The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy’s bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"
But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can’t buy you one!"
The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want."
[Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you were wrong...]
[I tried setting my hotmail password to penis. It said my password wasn't long enough.
["If you don't know the answer to a question on the test, just put 'Jesus.' Nobody could ever mark 'Jesus' wrong."]
[That which does not kill me, makes me stronger. I do not believe in such things. I believe in something a little more realistic. That which does not kill me may still break my neck, sever my spine, crush my rib cage, break in my skull and leave me to sulk in a puddle of my own bodily waste.]
[The old believe everything;
the middle-aged suspect ev
